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March 19, 2009


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True story, I was at my local library one day going through the language section (I was trying to re-teach myself college Italian somewhat unsuccessfully) when I overheard the following discussion one row down:

Librarian: (somewhat loudly by typical library standards) What are you doing?
Boy (around 11 or 12): Nothing!
Librarian: Get it out of your pants!
Boy: What?
Librarian: The book. Get the book out of your pants!

Apparently the boy tried stealing a book by putting it down his pants. He gave her the book (which I didn't get a good look at what it was) and started to walk away.

Librarian: Why are you trying to steal the book?
Boy: I wanted to read it!
Librarian: What?
Boy: My mom's outside waiting and I wanted to read it.
Librarian: You know you can borrow the books for free, right?
Boy: Oh...

The boy then got his first library card and check out the book. And I continued to walk through the aisles hoping that something that funny would happen again.


how about the gambling ring a bunch of students and other folks set up in the library i used to work at? they'd come in to a quiet computer cluster, all get on online poker and other gambling sites and bet the night away.


As a freshman in college, I knew that if I was to get any work done, the library was the place to go - less distractions, no loud music, no one bothering me. Usually, my trips to the library started out with good intentions of getting a lot of school work done, but invariably after about thirty minutes, I would fall asleep in whatever cubicle I was sitting in. On one such occasion, I fell asleep in the cubicle, my head on the desk, drool on the table (you get the picture) and I was awaken when someone slipped a penny down my butt crack. I guess I was snoring and offending all the studious people around me, and whoever slipped a penny down my pants, got the hell out of dodge because no one was around when I woke up. Needless to say, I was very embarassed and the next time I visited the library to study, I wore a dress.

Sharon H

We call it the Pooptastrophe. It's a sad but true story. I noticed my colleague wasn't at the desk. I went to look for her and saw that she was cleaning the rug. I inquired to what was happening. She said that there was a pooptastrophe--A toddler (with his grandmother) had an explosion in his diapers by the train table. Apparently, by the trail he left, he went through the little kid-sized door in a panic and on his way out of the library. Someone turned him around. Up and down and aisle or two until Grandma found him. She scooped him up (the trail runs cold) until just past the circ desk where it shows up again and into the women's restroom.

In an effort to keep things as sanitary as we could, we put down paper towels over the piles/spots. We put caution tape down, and had to close the women's restroom.

It goes down in our recent past as one of the truly memorable things to happen to us. (I have pictures to prove it--mostly of the caution tape and paper towel trails.)

Oh, and grandma's response: As she was walking out, she casually said, We've had a little accident. I don't think she even knows what hit us!

Kari Worsham

The following is what I blogged on my blog, I didn't edit it at all because I think you get the full effect of my horror so much better! It is titled "POOP in the library!!!!!" Also, I'd like to preface it by saying that this was my first year as an elementary you go:

"Yes, that's right folks...P-O-O-P. A Kindergartener just stood up and pooped out his pants...for some reason he had on magic pants that did not contain the Poop. Maybe no underwear?!?!? But he stood up, beside his chair and the Poop came out a leg of his shorts-that-are-long-and-baggie-like-pants kind of shorts.

Ya'll...this was not ordinary little-boy Poop. This was Poop with a capital letter!! I swear it was the biggest pile I've seen! It looked like doggie-doo only more! Bigger! Grace (my dog) doesn't even produce a pile that large!

So...I hauled him and his non-poopie pants to the nurse and told the office to send the janitor ASAP. Thank goodness it was at the end of class and time to go!! Also so thankful that 4th grade (who comes right after Kinder) had an assembly.

Oh yeah, it took the janitor almost an hour to clean it all up."

Find the post in all it's glory here:


I work at a high school. Senior prank last year? 3 kids hid in a closet at closing. They then took about 5,000 books off the shelves, moved the furniture, and wrote '08 in stacks of books on the floor. The top books on the 0 were red, the top books on the 8 were blue. Very pretty.
Needless to say, we made the seniors re-shelve the books - still dealing with that mess today!


When I was working in a public school library I thought that the kids were well behaved and seriously interested in learning and checking out books. When I was assisting the librarian she started on a rant for at least 5 minutes for no reason at all in front of teachers, moms and the kids. I wonder what they thought of this outburst.


Being very short and working in a public library during a summer I did have problems. Mainly reaching higher shelves and men gazing upon me. I resented this intrusion but could do nothing baout it until I came upon a solution, accidentally dropping the books on their heads. Shortly thereafter there was no further problem.

Tracy Stoller

One night,shortly after the lights were turned off and the doors locked, a student came hurrying down the stairs. He had been slumped down in a corner carrel so that the student workers missed him on their final walk-through.

A few months later we realized why he didn't hear the closing announcements--he was busy viewing porn on the laptop he had checked out.


One day I received a letter from an incarcerated felon who wanted to order some books and look for mail-order classes, but didn't have access to the Internet.

I sent him some addresses, and the next thing I knew two more prisoners were sending me letters and asking me to find things for them.

I now have three prison pen-pals, one of them a convicted murderer serving a life sentence without parole, regularly sending me reference questions through the mail.

Library Boss

At the college library where I worked someone shelved a sandwich. It had a spine label, and had been catalogued and shelved correctly. I believe a set of cards (we're talking mid 1980's here) had been filed in the catalog.

At the first public library I worked, a woman came over to the ref desk and whispered to me "I think someone has ejaculated on my purse." I give her credit--I would have been shrieking. She and I went into the ladies' room and cleaned the man sauce off of her purse. I complimented her on her composure--I was younger, and new to the big city back then. Since then, nothing has ever seemed that bad.


The craziest thing that happened... you mean besides finding wadded up tissues stuffed between the rows of 613.96s?

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How the hell you get trapped on a library?

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